What to text a girl first on a dating app
Text her about one detail from her profile and ask something she can answer in a few words. A pet, a hobby or a weekend plan is an easy hook; a specific compliment can work too. For example: “Important question before we go any further: does the corgi get pancakes too? 🐶”
Try it on your chatEmma, 25
- Hiking, bad puns, Sunday pancakes
- My simple pleasure: a long walk with my corgi
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5 ways to start
- Playful
One profile detail
Brolivo pickImportant question before we go any further: does the corgi get pancakes too? 🐶
Why it works: You turn one detail from her profile into a silly question she can answer in seconds.
- Chill
Her hobby
Hiking and Sunday pancakes is a strong weekend lineup. What’s the best trail you’ve done lately?
Why it works: You show you read her profile and ask about something she clearly enjoys talking about.
- Playful
Her kind of humor
You said bad puns, so here’s my best: your corgi is corgeous. Scale of 1 to 10, how bad was that?
Why it works: You join the game her profile invites, and a score is the easiest reply there is.
- Chill
Common ground
Fellow Sunday pancake person here. Mine come out lopsided every time. What’s your secret?
Why it works: A shared habit and a bit of self-irony make your question feel like a chat, not an interview.
- Bold
Say what caught you
Not gonna lie, the corgi got my attention and the bad puns sealed it. Hit me with your worst one.
Why it works: You name what drew you in, her humor and not her photos, and ask for something fun.
Don’t send this
Hey beautiful, how’s your weekend going?
It’s about her looks and could go to anyone, so the only easy reply is “thanks”.
What makes a first message work
Her inbox is probably full of “hey” and “you’re cute”. A first message stands out when it proves you read her profile and gives her something easy and fun to answer. One or two lines is enough: you’re starting a conversation, not writing a cover letter.
- Pick one detail, not the whole profile: a pet, a trip, a hobby or a prompt answer.
- End with a question she can answer in a few words.
- A specific compliment on her smile, style, taste or humor can make the opening personal.
Your move
After she replies
React to her answer first, then share something about yourself and ask one more question, so it feels like a chat and not an interview. After a few good messages, suggest a short plan like coffee or a walk.
If she doesn’t answer within a couple of days, one light follow-up on a different detail is fine. If that gets nothing too, let it go and put your energy into other matches.
Questions
What should my first message to a girl be?
Something about her, not a plain greeting. Pick one detail from her profile, like a pet, a trip or a hobby, and ask a light question about it. Keep it to one or two lines so she can answer quickly.
Is “hey” a bad first message?
It isn’t rude, it’s just easy to ignore. “Hey” gives her nothing to reply to, so she has to start the conversation for you. Add one detail from her profile and a question, and you already stand out.
Should I compliment her in the first message?
Yes. A specific compliment on her smile, style or humor can fit, especially with a light question attached. Keep it short and true to what you noticed. A personal detail gives her more to answer than a generic “you’re gorgeous”.
What if her profile is almost empty?
Use whatever is there: a place in a photo, a dog, a concert, her job. If there’s truly nothing, ask a fun either-or question such as “beach or mountains?” It’s easier to answer than “hey” and shows a bit of personality.
Similar situations
First text after getting her number
Emma · Argued that a hot dog is a sandwich and won the room
Brolivo pick Hey, it’s Max from Sam’s birthday. Fine, you win: a hot dog is a sandwich.
First message on Tinder
Emma, 24 · Photo: halfway up a climbing wall, very proud of herself
Brolivo pick Taco order for judging: al pastor, extra lime, no regrets. How did I do?
First message on Hinge
Emma, 27 · Two truths and a lie: I’ve held a baby penguin, I can juggle, I’ve never missed a flight
Brolivo pick The lie is the juggling. If I’m wrong, I expect a live demo.
Replying to her Instagram story
She: 📷 story: a beach with turquoise water, captioned “never leaving”
Brolivo pick Ok, that water color should be illegal. Where is this?
She texted “hey” first
She: hey
Brolivo pick Hey! Glad you wrote. Okay, Lisbon: what’s the one thing I have to eat there?
Updated by the Brolivo team. The chats are made-up examples.
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